Recently we watched a case from the Louisiana Board of Pardon and Parole. One of the victim’s family members got on a roll with a list of horrible things to say about the killer of their relative. When he got to number eleven, a board member asked him how many he had on his list. His answer?
121
The board wisely shut him down at that point. How much more could he really say to make his position clearer? He was expressing no love for the convict before the board, and who could blame him? But having no love is a far cry from being filled with hate. One is healthy and understandable. The other is a path to death, but not in the way you might think.
Filled with Hate
Hate seems to fuel us in this current iteration of society – at least we act like that’s the case. Crack open your favorite news app and it’ll be filled with it. Hate sells. If it bleeds, it leads. Combine hate with blood, and you’ve got a true winner for the hearts and minds of others! It doesn’t matter the source, the angle, or the political side. It’s all the same. The fight for the hearts and minds of every human is waged through hatred in one form or another.
So, with all these forces in our faces every day, is it any wonder why people are so filled with hate? No. It should not be a shock to anyone. The damage is real and obvious.
The real shame is the destruction all this hate does to those who are already hurting. That’s where this family member who spoke to the board comes in. Already hurting from loss, he’s filled with hate and rage on top of it. Why? Well, only he can truly answer that question. But I’d bet that everything around him has helped make him this way.
The saddest part of all is that it’s been 43 years since this murder. Over four decades, and he’s still so fueled with anger that he felt compelled to write a 121-point list detailing all the reasons why he hated the murderer, and why the board should hate her too.
Death Multiplied
Let me be clear. I’m not making light of this tragedy. Every family member of the victim has a right to be upset that their loved one was removed from existence. The death of a loved one can be a heavy load to carry, especially when it’s sudden and violent. However, if you’re not careful, it can consume you too.
Studies have shown great damage can be done to your body through harboring hatred, especially when it comes to your cardiovascular and immune systems. It keeps your body in a constant state of stress. That stress slowly eats away at you, and if you don’t catch it in time, it’ll kill you. At that point, it’s no longer the death of your loved one. It’s your death too.
It Is the Duty of the Living to Live
I’m going to share a Dan-ism with you: Failure to live your life to the fullest dishonors the dead. Loss and death, no matter the method and circumstance, is a fact of life. It is the one experience we all share with certainty. Given that, I believe it is a duty to live your life to fullest extent possible.
Letting bad things turn to hate – and letting that hate fill you – becomes a massive roadblock. If you spend your existence locked in on bad things and hate with laser focus, after a time it’s all you have. After 43 years, if all the victim’s family member can come up with is 121 points of hate, then he is clearly lost. I feel badly for him. Life is short, and it’s sad to see how much of his has been lost to this. It’s not wasted in my opinion by the act of the convicted murderer. It’s wasted by his own choice to let hatred take him over.
Instead, Express No Love
We all have bad things happen in our lives. It’s a given. We will not all face the same bad things. The “badness level” will vary from incident to incident. But many things will bring us pain. It is the responsibility of each of us to find ways through it.
It is ok – in fact, it’s expected – for you to not be happy with those who bring harm into your life. But don’t grab onto hate. We’ve discussed how that will destroy you. Why would you let those who hurt you or those you love get that win too? Better to express that you hold no love for the person, but that you also refuse to fill yourself with hate. Tell the person that… and save yourself.
This is the kind of thing that sticks with me after the dockets are clear and the show is done.
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